Begin again.
On July 3, 2015, I woke up. Not just the roll out of bed wake up that most of us do daily. I WOKE up. I woke up to life I created. I woke up to the realization I didn’t want any part of it in this form. I WOKE up.
If you’ve ever experienced a moment like this, you will intimately understand the overwhelming fear and simultaneous KNOWING that life as you’ve known must change. That this incredibly scary thing that is staring you down is absolutely necessary, and perhaps, you may have had the blessing of adrenaline to help carry you through it.
Now what followed that awakening was messy. Painful. Destructive. I burned my entire existence to the ground. The fire came. The smoke too. Then my vision cleared but nothing, not one aspect of my life emerged unscaled. I survived thanks to friends-who-are-family, my parents, my Guides, my Knowing.
All around me, everything was burnt, fire damaged, crispy. I was there in the midst of this destruction, naked and standing, but naked. Every hat I had worn, every piece of my identity stripped away. I stood there looking out at the scene around me for a long while. For more time than I can really remember, all I saw was crisp ashes. With time, I started to clear the ashes away. Under the ash was fertile soil, green plants emerging though the char. Amidst the ashes were the hats I had worn; the mom hat, yes, I definitely wanted my mom hat, but it looked different now. I cleared the ashes and put it on first. The same was true for my daughter hat. I scooped it up and wore it, but differently. I needed a job, but that too had changed, and I was learning new things, adjusting to a new rhythm - new office, new title, new team, thankfully same organization. (For future reference for those who may find themselves on this path, I do not recommend a job change in the midst of the other changes if it can be avoided.) There were other hats - like the wife hat - I was done with it. I decided I wasn’t interested in wearing that hat again, not at least in the way in which I had previously. And in the midst of the destruction, I was convinced that a lifetime of solitude was a far better idea than wearing any kind of relationship hat. That concept lasted about a year and a half until I met the man who became my husband. But that’s a story for a different day.
From the fire, the masks I had worn also burned away. My most authentic self has grown from the ashes. Years of healing old wounds funneled into a new career - as a certified professional coach and dowser. I’ve learned a lot about myself over the years. One of the best things I’ve learned is about my own super powers. I see light in other people and have a great ability to see it, speak it and help others begin to see it too, to shift their mindset, to tell their story differently, in a way that helps them on their path. So out of the destruction comes Light, Life and a whole new existence.
There’s a saying that change is hard in the beginning, messy in the middle and glorious in the end. Having support in the beginning and middle stages makes a huge difference in both the waking and the shining. I’m here for it all, to walk beside you and sing back the story of your soul when your heart forgets the words.
